


When in doubt, look at the stars and follow them until you find your way back to me

by NightmareAntlers



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Emotional Idiots In Love, Feelings, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Post-Episode: s03e13 The Wrath of the Lamb, Sharing a Bed, just a lot of feels in general, our boys learn to use words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-07-10 07:52:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6974257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightmareAntlers/pseuds/NightmareAntlers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They heal. Will has insomnia. Hannibal volunteers to keep him company. They talk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When in doubt, look at the stars and follow them until you find your way back to me

**Author's Note:**

> Started to write this while I was watching the stars at 5am then dawn reminded me of them. So, y'know...

Will couldn't sleep. Never could, to be honest. How could he? He was staring at the sky, the faded colour of the night shifting to a pale pink and orange. Some stars still making their way through the new light of dawn. Sitting at his window wide open, cold wind of winter passing through, it didn't bother him about shivering or about the heat of his body dropping a few degrees below the average constant. He was able to finally _breathe_.

In the corner of his eyes, Will saw Hannibal rolling on his side, blanket slipping from his chest to his waist, exposing his bandaged belly.

They discovered the cabin almost a month ago, still bloody and bruised from their death and sudden rebirth from their fall. It was vacant but not abandoned only for a period of time it seemed, the owners absent for whatever reason they were not present, Hannibal and Will were highly at risk but decided to stay nonetheless. It was that or get caught at their weakest state. They'd need to go soon. They had food, medicine, hot water and a bed. Neither of them argued to take the couch and neither of them minded the very needed body heat.

That's how Will found himself sitting at the window of their temporary bedroom, mind too full to rest. He was still too tired to drag himself downstairs and hoped he wouldn't disturb Hannibal who was still asleep in their bed a few feet away.

Until now.

"Will?" Hannibal grunted in both confusion and pain. He was on his bad side, his wounds pressed into the mattress.

"I'm here." He responded quietly. "I'm here." Reassuring again.

"Nightmares?" Hannibal then asked. He was propped up on his elbow, sleepy eyes still half-closed eyeing closely Will's profile.

"No."

And it was true. He dreamt, a lot. But it wasn't nightmares. His subconscious deciding on visiting the cliff, the salt water, the warm blood on his face. He also drowned, often, again and again. With or without Hannibal. It was confusing and Will couldn't take it anymore, he desperately wanted to sleep but when was he afforded to do just that? So he stayed awake and listened to the nature's sounds around him and watched the brightness of the stars all the while roaming in the back of his mind. _Good ol' habits._

"Are your wounds not healing properly?"

"No, I mean, it's not that. I'm fine, Hannibal." Was he really?

"Then go back to bed."

Will snorted. _It's not that simple,_ he thought.

"What is it?" Silence. "I see, you're not going to tell me."

"Go back to sleep, Hannibal. You need to rest."

He turned his gaze to the sky once again, only to see the stars gradually disappearing one by one. He didn't hear Hannibal rousing from the bed but only heard the rustle of fabric being pulled away from the bed.

Blanket in hand, he dropped half of it on Will's body and sat down in front of him, facing Will at the other end of the window.

"So do you."

"I'm not the one with a gunshot wound. What even are you doing?" But Will pulled up the blanket on his cold body anyway.

"And you are the one who's been stabbed. Twice." Hannibal crossed his legs like a child would and took his share of the blanket over his naked torso.

They shared a bed on a daily basis but being awake and completely aware of how close they stood from each other made Will realise how intimate the moment was.

"I'm sorry I woke you but it wasn't necessary."

"I worry about you, Will. You've been far away. Away from the world. Away from me."

"What do you want me to tell you? All of our problems and issues won't be washed away by the Atlantic that easily." Will sighed

"I know."

"And we can't pretend everything is normal and solved between us."

There was a moment of silence but Will still felt Hannibal's eyes on him. The sky became clearer and clearer every passing seconds.

"What are you staring at when you are here, alone with your thoughts?" Hannibal spoke softly. The atmosphere was calm, almost peaceful.  
  
"Everything and nothing. The stars. The moon. The shape and shadows of the trees. Thinking mostly about me, you. Us."  
  
"Us?" Hannibal blinked.

"The future."  
  
"Are you going to stay with me, then?"

Will then looked at him. Really looked at him. Hannibal's face was impassive but to Will it was now an open book. His eyes widened a bit and his eyebrows were raised with the shock of expectation. His lips were slightly parted. _Hope_ , Will thought. Naked emotions and Will still wasn't used to it.  
  
"I told you once in our passed lives, remember? _Where else would I go?_ "  
  
Hannibal stayed silent. Gazing back and forth between Will and the outside world. To their possible future. Awaiting. Awakening.

Will inhaled and exhaled slowly. Then he spoke,  
  
"I stare at the stars. They're all dead since a very long time. But that doesn't mean they aren't still with us. I watch them silently, I wonder which of them will be truly gone during the night. People go to sleep and they all watch over you, bright and shiny, then you wake up and they disappear. But you don't ask yourself how many of them are definitely gone for good." Will bit his lip and tightened his hold of the blanket around him. "During three years I spent many of my mornings thinking about where you were, how you were but I knew that even when I woke up you'd still be here," and then, quietly, "I knew you were far away from me but also knew you'd always manage to find a way to reach me."

He couldn't bring himself to face Hannibal. Telling what he really felt, plainly and without detour was unusual. He also wasn't ready to hear what Hannibal might respond to him so he spoke before Hannibal had the time to gather his thoughts and what Will's bomb just dropped and exploded right in front of him.

"'Could he daily feel a stab of hunger for you, and find nourishment at the very sight of you? Yes. But do you ache for him?'" Will quoted. If it was time for the truth, then he needed some as well. He initially didn't intend to say out loud the last part but he repeated this to himself so many times, rolled it over and over in his mind that it was now mechanical. A slip of the tongue he will surely regret. He mentally cursed himself for it.  
  
"What did you respond to her?" Hannibal didn't hesitate, knowing perfectly from whom these words were spoken.  
  
"Nothing. I didn't."  
  
"Then why asking her this specific question?"

Will sighed deeply, beginning to feel annoyed. "Because I needed to say and ask aloud what the voice in my skull only questioned itself for quite some time now. To cope with these two distinct realities I always thought separated."  
  
"Thought? So you do not think this relevant anymore. Why not?" Pursing his lips in amusement.  
  
"You tell me about it." He scoffed.

Will gave up. He shook his head and stared at the sun who was slowly peeking behind the horizon. It could wait after all, now that he wasn't going anywhere. They will have many conversations and Will will have his question answered one day or another.  
  
"Is that the life that you want, Will?" Hannibal seemed to catch his train of thought.  
  
"I don't want a precise life. I just want to live normally." He answered, eyes lost.  
  
"With me? A simple life?"

"Our life will never be simple. I only want a life with you in it."  
  
"What about a new life?"  
  
"I'm tired, Hannibal. No more lies. No more mind games. No more hiding."  
  
"Just you and me."  
  
"Against the world?" Will couldn't stop himself from adding with a smirk.  
  
"We will have to fight, rest assured. Until the very end."  
  
"Jack. Alana. Bedelia. Hell, even Chilton when he'll orchestrate his great come back." Will snorted and Hannibal smiled.

Another comfortable silence fell, enjoying the rising of the sun in the company of the other. Will closed his eyes and delighted in the warmth of the sunlight reaching his skin.  
  
"Yes." Hannibal said just above a whisper.

"Good." Will nodded.  
  
"No, Will. _Yes_."  
  
Will's smile faded, his heart skipped a beat, even several if he was being honest with himself. It was like receiving the most brutal punch in the stomach and he only remembered how to breathe the moment he looked at Hannibal. He let out a jerky gasp, h is eyes shutting against the wave of emotions, forcing the tears back in.  
  
"Let's go back to bed." Hannibal prompted, already standing on his heels, not waiting for an answer.  
  
Will could only nod, Hannibal took the blanket and put it back on the bed. Will could feel his cheeks burn and his heart hammering in his chest. How could Hannibal be so composed, so calm after casually saying this to him? He let Will settle first in their shared bed, Will flat on his back and Hannibal slowly making his way to Will's side. As if he was testing the water, was it already too soon? He would only know by trying.  
  
Facing Will, the only noise in the room was the sound of their breaths.  
  
After a moment of intense staring of the ceiling, Will finally decided to lay on his side, face inches away from Hannibal's. He didn't know if he wanted him to be asleep or awake, didn't know if he could handle Hannibal right now. Will eyes were closed again and he opened them when he felt the caress of Hannibal's hand on his uninjured cheek.  
  
It was too much, not enough air in his lungs while feeling the same delicate but rough hand who tortured him, destroyed him, tore him apart, was now stroking with affection his jaw. Will made a noise close to a whine. He didn't know how to react, his mind was bursting, his heart pounding.  
  
Hannibal carefully manoeuvred him on his back again, telling him to breathe, telling him everything is and will be alright.  
  
He blinked and realised his eyes were humid, he hadn't know he was crying until Hannibal gently wiped away with his thumbs the tears on his cheeks and corner of his eyes.  
  
Will progressively calmed down. His fist hurt from when he gripped tightly the blanket. He dared not to touch Hannibal, forced himself not to or he feared everything would collapse. Again.  
  
"Look at me, Will."

And Will did.

"You may doubt me, you can. But never doubt yourself. Never about yourself." He said, oh, so softly. Like Will would shatter at any moment. And he felt like he would.

"I've a lot of doubts about myself. In fact, the only thing I'm sure about is my love for you." Will replied a little breathless.

Hannibal, who was almost atop of Will, stared deeply into Will's eyes. Even in the full darkness of their bedroom after closing the curtains. The persistent faint light of dawn and the warm bodies tangled in the sheets were not enough for Hannibal to see and feel everything that started to blur in the background.

They were one.

They were whole.

Will would have liked to say these three words but in this very moment they seemed so flat, so senseless. Not enough. Even dull.

They were staring at each other during Will felt like a lifetime until Hannibal closed his eyes with a sharp intake of breath. Will felt a strange feeling growing inside him once again that he could have never put a name on it. Until now. Hannibal let out a noise similar to a breathy moan and that was it.

 _So. That's what aching feels like_ , he thought, remembering Bedelia's words.

Will was about to say it out loud but Hannibal shut him up with a kiss. A chaste one. A soft one. A loving one. He felt a hand in his curls and another cupping the side of his cheek. Will raised his hands on Hannibal's arms then slipped them around his neck and brought him tighter against himself. Not breaking the kiss. He couldn't think, only concentrate on Hannibal shy tentative to move his lips against his own. With a smile, he parted them in sync with Hannibal's and closed them again. If Will could drown again, he'd do it with Hannibal's lips on his this time.

When they did break the kiss, it was purely for the reason to breathe air again. Will laughed, a deep sound that said he was happy, alive and in love.

"I love you." Hannibal whispered, kissing his cheek, his jaw, his throat where his pulse was racing, his chin and finally his lips again. "I love you, Will."

Foreheads resting against the other and noses bumping, they smiled until their faces ached and they kissed until their lips were raw and swollen.

It was, indeed, the life Will wanted to live.


End file.
